The Winters
by cw151
Summary: Natasha and Clint find themselves in a place they couldn't have dreamt of.
1. The Best Option

"I need to leave," Natasha stated matter-of-factly.

Coulson raised one of his eyebrows and looked up to her from his desk.

Natasha unfolded her arms and shifted her weight on to her left leg.

"Not forever. Just for today. There's something I have to take care of. Agent Perez is managing the recruits for the rest of the day," she clarified.

Coulson's facial expression returned to his usual blasé mask.

"Ok," he said calmly.

Natasha nodded, and without another word, she turned on her heels and headed out of the Director's office.

* * *

><p><em>Left early. There's something I need to take care of. See you tonight. <em>

Natasha slipped the phone back into the pocket of the jeans she'd borrowed from SHIELD's undercover stock on her way out, and resisted the urge to scratch her head under the blond wig she'd swiped as well. Instead, she concentrated on the array of paper boxes on the shelf in front of her. They all looked the same – same functions, same "benefits", just different brand names. Huffing, she picked five at random and dropped them into her plastic basket. At the checkout, she topped her purchase off with some raspberry-flavored gum.

About an hour later, Natasha found herself sitting on an armchair in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows of her and Clint's apartment at Stark Tower. She was completely motionless, save for the steady movement of her jaw and an occasional pink bubble bursting through her lips. She even ignored the buzzing of her phone.

* * *

><p>When Clint came home at night, Natasha still hadn't moved an inch. She didn't even turn her head when she heard him drop his things at the entrance of the living room.<p>

"Hey! What's going on? I tried calling but – "

Clint flipped on the light switch and stopped short when he saw the paper boxes neatly laid out on the small table in front of the sofa. Their contents had been removed and were equally neatly arranged in a set of parallel white plastic lines across the table.

Clint's face turned into an impenetrable mask as he inspected the individual plastic sticks. When he was done, he pursed his lips for a moment, before smoothing his features over and turning to Natasha, who was still staring out of the window.

Clint dragged a small stool next to her armchair and lowered himself on to it. He seemed to gauge her expression and posture for a moment before he calmly asked:

"How?"

Natasha blinked.

"I don't know." Her deep voice almost sounded shaky. "I'm not supposed to be able to-"

She didn't finish her sentence.

Clint nodded lightly and followed her gaze outside on to the now dark city scenery.

"What do you want to do?" he asked, carefully weighing each of his words.

Natasha swallowed.

"I don't know. I don't want to kill." She slightly turned her head towards him und fixed him with an inscrutable gaze. "Besides, it's not like this is only my decision."

"It is. It's you, and your body. I'll go with whatever you decide," Clint replied, searching her eyes for an emotion, any emotion.

Natasha turned back towards the window.

Clint reached out to capture one of the hands in her lap into his. Natasha's gaze dropped to their joint fingers.

"I'm not made for this. I can't be a mother. I can't be off the field. It's not who I am," she said quietly.

"I know," Clint replied.

"But I also don't want to take another innocent life. What if I'm _meant_ to have this baby? What if this is how I'm supposed to redeem myself?"

Clint didn't know what to say to that, but Natasha didn't seem to expect an answer either. Instead, her steely eyes suddenly met his.

"But you want this, don't you? I've seen you watch families around the globe. For years. I don't want to take away your chance at this." She pressed her lips together.

Clint moved his free hand up to cup her face.

"I'm not gonna lie, I've thought about it. But I'd only want a family if it's with you. Ever." He gently let his thumb slide across her cheek. "And more importantly, I want you to be happy. So, whatever you decide – I'll go with it."

Natasha closed her eyes and swallowed.

"You don't have to decide tonight. Take some time to think about it," Clint suggested.

"I've been thinking about it all afternoon," Natasha replied as she slowly opened her eyes again. "It's not like there are too many options."

Clint held her gaze.

"Ok, let's say you decide you definitely don't want to … _kill._" He copied the way she'd phrased it earlier. "If you keep it and give it up for adoption, you'd still have to stay off the field for a few months."

Natasha lowered her gaze and nodded slightly.

"Would you be able to do that?" Clint asked carefully.

Natasha seemed to think for a moment, and then nodded again.

"If it's just for a few months, yeah, I could do it," she replied.

"And could you live with the knowledge of your child growing up among other people?" he asked.

At that, Natasha hesitated.

"I think so. It'd be the best option," she said quietly. "Could you?"

Clint knew that there was no point in lying to his partner who knew him so well.

"I'd learn," he said. "It'd be the best option."

Natasha looked at him silently for a few minutes. Her eyes seemed to search for something.

"Alright," she said finally. "I guess we made a decision. We'll keep it and give it up for adoption."

Clint nodded.

"Yeah."


	2. Mrs Winters

"Mrs. Winters." The light voice of the receptionist carried into the quiet waiting area where Natasha was the only one sitting on one of the expensive mahogany chairs. She put away the glossy fashion magazine she'd been pretending to read and followed the receptionist to one of the consulting rooms. She had only just sat down when the doctor arrived.

"Mrs. Winters, it's so good to see you again! How are you feeling?" Dr. Kapoor's voice was just as warm and welcoming as her entire nature. Natasha returned the doctor's wide smile and put on her best Southern accent.

"Wonderful, just wonderful. We're just so excited!" she replied.

After she and Clint had decided to keep the baby to give it up for adoption, they'd told Coulson, who had recommended that they keep Natasha's state a secret. Re-building SHIELD was extremely slow and difficult, and they still weren't sure if everyone currently working with them could be trusted entirely. As a result, Natasha was supposed to continue working at SHIELD's new offices until her pregnancy would show, and afterwards, would be sent on a "mission" lasting several months.

And that was how Nelly Winters came to be. Wife to Clifford Winters, Nelly was the daughter of a rich Tennessee farmer who had met and married the wealthy business magnate Clifford Winters only a few years before. The Winters were close business associates and friends of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts, so when the Winters found themselves residing in New York for an extended amount of time, Pepper immediately recommended her OB/GYN Dr. Kapoor to Nelly when the latter discovered that she was pregnant.

"Well, today will be even more exciting," Dr. Kapoor replied as she helped Mrs. Winters on to the examination chair. "It's time for your first ultrasound, so we'll get our first actual glimpse at the little one."

Mrs. Winter's smile grew even bigger at that.

"Oh yes! I almost forgot," Mrs. Winters squealed.

"But that also means that you've got to decide now whether you'd like to know whether you're having a boy or a girl, or if you'd like to be surprised." Dr. Kapoor continued while Mrs. Winters was pushing up her top to uncover her stomach.

"Oh, wow! I think I – yeah, I want to know," Mrs. Winters replied, still giddy.

"Alright then! Let's get started. Careful, this may feel cold at first."

Throughout the ultrasound examination, Dr. Kapoor's attention was of course primarily trained on the screen in front of her. She pointed out the footage they were seeing – the tiny head, even tinier arms, and a miniature hand seemingly grasping at nothing – when she suddenly realized that the usually bubbly Mrs. Winters had gotten progressively quieter as the examination went on. Mrs. Winters' facial expression had turned almost pensive, and the one hand resting at her sides had formed a lose fist. While sudden quietness was not an unusual reaction for mothers during their first ultrasound, Dr. Kapoor still wanted to restore the light mood from earlier. And she was lucky – the baby's sex did show on the ultrasound ultimately.

"Oh, yay! We can actually see your baby's sex. Still sure you want to know?" she asked Mrs. Winters in a cheerful manner.

Mrs. Winters only nodded absent-mindedly.

"Ok – here it comes: You're having a baby girl!"

This only caused another absent-minded nod in her patient. Mrs. Winters just stared at the screen, almost as if in a daze.

"Mrs. Winters, are you alright? Are you cold? Or nauseous?" Dr. Kapoor became worried. Her words seemed to snap Mrs. Winters out of it, though.

"What? Oh, no, I'm terribly sorry. I'm absolutely fine! I guess the weight of the moment truly hit me!" Mrs. Winters let out a nervous laugh.

Dr. Kapoor was relieved.

"Wonderful, I was beginning to worry! Do me a favor, though, and don't sit up too fast. I don't want you to become light-headed!"

Mrs. Winters nodded and carefully propped herself on to her elbows while Dr. Kapoor wiped off her belly.

"Well, everything is going very well. If nothing changes, this pregnancy will be smooth sailing all the way!" Dr. Kapoor said later when they were wrapping everything up. "As always, please feel free to call anytime if you have any questions. Otherwise, we'll see each other again in two weeks!"

Mrs. Winters was now back to her cheerful self and thanked Dr. Kapoor several times, before heading out.

That night, after he came home, Clint dropped onto the sofa next to Natasha and threw his arm around her.

"How's everything?" he asked, scrutinizing her face.

"Good. I had the first ultrasound today," Natasha replied, avoiding his gaze. "Everything is just as it should be."

"Great," Clint replied. Natasha nodded.

"Yeah," she said weakly.

Clint waited a few moments.

"Hey, talk to me," he said softly. Natasha let out a breath she'd held.

"It's – nothing," she finally replied. Her eyes met his for the fraction of a second before darting across the room again.

Clint just waited. Finally, Natasha caved.

"It was … strange. The first time I actually saw the baby. Really heard and saw its heartbeat. Well, _hers_ – it's a girl." Her voice was thick with emotion, and her eyes finally met Clint's.

"I don't know why the ultrasound had such an effect on me. I've known that I am pregnant for weeks. I've been off the field for almost two weeks already. But somehow, it feels like I wasn't prepared for today."

Clint swallowed and pulled Natasha a bit closer.

"Well, it is quite a big situation. It's bound to have an effect on you. Let alone for the fact that it is a part of you and me, growing inside you."

He flashed her a lopsided grin.

Natasha returned a light smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Yeah, I guess." She carefully rested one of her hands on her belly. Clint's eyes followed her movement, but he didn't follow suit. He had not once touched her stomach since Natasha had told him that she was pregnant. Natasha assumed it was because the child she was carrying wasn't really _their _child – she was just making sure it'd be born, before it would be passed on to the actual parents.

Natasha decided to change the subject.

"I also talked to Bruce today. He got the test results and thinks that the Red Room actually injected me with two serums. One was their "super soldier" one, the one that lets me heal faster, makes me maximum athletic and slows my body's degeneration. The other one was a serum that stopped me from becoming pregnant. Bruce says the Red Room couldn't actually sterilize me, because my body would have just re-generated and undone the sterilization. So they used a second serum instead that suppressed my ovulation. Bruce thinks the serum got weaker with time, though, to the point that it's not doing its job anymore now."

Clint just nodded and raised an eyebrow.

"I guess that means we gotta be careful from now on. Except for right now."

Natasha couldn't help but smile at the mischievous glint that appeared in his eyes.


	3. Off the Field

Something was off. Natasha knew it.

She let out a long and slow breath and checked her phone once again. Clint should have been back three hours ago. He hadn't checked in with her, and she couldn't reach Coulson either.

She pushed herself off the couch and began to slowly walk up and down their living room. Her belly was slowly growing, and she could already feel it constricting her movements, especially when she was exercising. She tried not to think about how much bigger her belly would still become. The forced reduction of her exercise regimen was already driving her crazy. She didn't even want to know how the last weeks of her pregnancy would feel.

Natasha sat back down on the sofa and picked up the book she'd been reading earlier. Her mind continued to wander, however, and she ended up re-reading the same paragraph three times. Just when she threw the book back on to the table with a frustrated sigh, she could hear their apartment door opening, followed by the telltale sounds of Clint coming home. Natasha quickly got up and headed out onto the hallway.

"Hey," she greeted Clint, stopping short in the hallway. Clint was wearing a Stark issue sweat suit, his uniform and weapons in a bag on the floor.

Clint shot her a weak smile. "Hey," he replied tiredly.

Natasha walked up to him and kissed him square on the mouth.

"I was beginning to get worried. Is everything ok?" she said, running one hand through his hair.

"Yes, and no. Let me grab something to drink first. You want something, too?"

Natasha shook her head and followed Clint to the kitchen. As soon as Clint had taken one step she noticed that he was limping.

In the kitchen, Clint grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before carefully lowering himself on to one of the bar stools at the counter. Natasha slipped on to the stool next to him and laced her fingers through his.

"Mission was ok, we got what we went in for," Clint began. "Everything went well until the last half hour. Some of their goonies were trying to get us. We held up well and everyone got out, but I got hit pretty bad a few times. Knee ligaments are torn and I pulled a muscle in my back."

Natasha ran her free hand across his back.

"What'd the doctors say?" she asked.

Clint swallowed.

"I'll be ok. But I'm off the field for four months. Guess that makes two of us now." He shot her one of his signature lopsided grins.

Natasha sent him a compassionate look.

"There's more, though." Clint continued. "Coulson's made me an offer."

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "Consisting of what?" she asked.

Clint didn't look at her.

"He wants me to be Special Director of Operations."

Natasha was dumb-struck. She hadn't expected this at all.

"That's… wow… that's big," she said, trying to keep her voice neutral. "And unexpected."

Clint nodded.

"What did you say?" Natasha asked.

"I told him I'd think about it," Clint replied, still avoiding her gaze.

"Okay, and what's your initial reaction?" Natasha prodded, eyes narrowing.

Clint sighed.

"I don't know." He paused. "I – I think it'd be really interesting. I could actually make decisions and determine how things are run instead of just complaining about them." He let out a compressed laugh before turning serious and finally looking at Natasha.

"But I also don't want to be off the field completely. And I most definitely don't want to leave you alone out there," he said, fixing her with his gaze.

Natasha took a sip from his water bottle as she was processing what he just said. Clint squeezed her hand still wrapped in his.

"I really don't know what to do. I'm also thinking – this could be a great opportunity, because I don't know how much longer I'll be out in the field in the first place. I'm getting old, and I know it. If I take this position now, I'll at least have something by the time I have to retire from the field completely. Otherwise, I may be forced to go to some boring desk job when I'm at that point. And I would definitely not be able to live with that." Clint continued and set his jaw. "What do you think?"

Natasha swallowed lightly.

"I don't know either," she admitted. "But I'd back up your decision, no matter what it is. I don't want any other partner, but it'd also be foolish to think that we can go on missions the way we do forever. I've done plenty of solo missions before and I'll continue to do them. I'd just miss knowing that you have my back when I'm out there on a team mission," she said.  
>"I'd still have your back. Only from Ops and not from the next rafter," Clint said while nudging her lightly.<p>

Natasha smiled shortly before turning serious.

"What about the Avengers, though?" she asked, a crease forming on her forehead.

"I'd have to talk to Coulson about that. I'd still have to be able to go on missions with them," Clint stated flatly. Natasha just nodded and let out a slow breath.

Clint tilted his head as he met her eyes again.

"Lots of decisions, huh?" he said. Natasha just stared at him with an inscrutable look in her eyes.

"Yeah."


	4. Red and Blue

The rest of Natasha's pregnancy went just as Dr. Kapoor had predicted – smooth sailing. When her contractions started, she just moved a few floors down on to the medical floor of Stark Tower, and called Clint and Dr. Kapoor. Both of them came immediately, Dr. Kapoor accompanied by a mid-wife named Mary, and a long day of waiting began. Stark Tower was almost deserted; the only ones home were Jane, Thor and Darcy, but Natasha didn't want any of them with her.

Clint remained unfazed the entire time. Had she not been in as much pain as she was, Natasha probably would have laughed at his get-up. Just like she was Mrs. Winters again, Clint was Mr. Winters the entire time, complete with dark blue jeans, pastel-purple shirt, and a wig of light brown hair. Both of them kept up the chipper attitude that Dr. Kapoor had gotten to know of Mrs. Winters, even though it prove progressively more difficult for Natasha. She had certainly had more than her fair share of injuries and pain throughout her life, but her contractions seemed to top everything else. Looked like this searing pain wasn't a myth after all.

Clint knew how much she was suffering, of course. Just like he always seemed to know everything about her. He stayed by her side the entire time, massaging her, holding her, and cracking an endless amount of his terrible jokes in hopes of cheering her up.

Just when Natasha thought that she'd be stuck in labor for the rest of her life, things took a turn, and only half an exhausting hour later, Dr. Kapoor placed a crying little bundle into Natasha's arms. Clint squeezed her shoulder one more time as if to make sure that Natasha was alright, before helping Dr. Kapoor and the midwife clean up. Natasha hardly noticed them, and only stared at the little creature in her arms in a daze. It seemed like her head was incapable of any coherent thought at this point. She tried to get a hold of herself and drew a series of deep breaths.

"That's right, breathing is one of the fastest ways to calm your body down," Dr. Kapoor's voice sounded right next to her head. "Now you've got to hand over the little one once more to me, though, so I can get her cleaned up. If you like, you can do the same in the meantime. I'm sure your husband will be happy to assist you, he's been so great the entire time! Just make sure she sits down when she washes or showers!" The last sentence was directed at Clint.

Natasha nodded weakly when Dr. Kapoor took the baby from her arms. Her head still seemed to be extremely light, and she felt as if her body was moving on its own. Clint accompanied her to the bathroom and helped her undress. After Natasha had carefully lowered herself on to a plastic stool, Clint helped her rinse.

"Feeling better?" he asked while bowing down and stroking her cheek. Natasha nodded and closed her eyes, enjoying the water running down her body.

"Want to take the wig off for a few moments?" Clint asked. Natasha just nodded again as Clint carefully removed the wig and wig cap. Natasha slowly opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Thanks." she croaked. Her voice sounded strange, too.

Clint just smiled at her and pressed a kiss on to her forehead.

"You were great. Maybe even too great – I saw Dr. Kapoor getting worried because she thought the contractions weren't getting any stronger, given that you weren't screaming." At that, Natasha offered a weak smile and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Come on, let's get you back to bed," Clint said, pressing another kiss against her temple. Natasha sat up, fixed her wig on to her head again, put on a fresh gown with Clint's help, and let him lead her back to her bed, where Dr. Kapoor and the midwife were just changing the linen.

"Ah, perfect timing. Your little angel is already cleaned and all wrapped up, and you'll be wrapped up in a second, too." Dr. Kapoor said. She and Clint helped Natasha in the freshly made bed, and Natasha couldn't help but think that sleeping would be the best thing in the world right now.

"Poor thing, you're so tired! I know it's been really tough so far and you will be able to sleep soon, I promise, but first, you should really give the first nursing a try!" Dr. Kapoor said as she sat down on the bed next to Natasha.

Natasha gave a defeated nod, and Dr. Kapoor carefully placed the baby into Natasha's arms once more and showed her how to coax the little one into drinking. It took a few minutes, but ultimately, the girl was eagerly sucking. Clint had sat down on to a chair next to the bed, and Natasha sat rigid as rock as she held the baby on to her breast. The girl's eyes were closed the entire time, which Natasha didn't find surprising at all. Giving birth couldn't be more exhausting to all parties involved. She hadn't felt this beat-up since Sierra Leone. And even Sierra Leone hadn't been as painful, really.

The baby shifted a little, and suddenly opened her eyes. Somehow, Natasha was taken entirely by surprise, and it felt as if this was the first time she actually looked at the small human being in front of her. Red fluff was covering the girls' head, and Natasha found herself staring into crystal blue eyes that she'd only ever seen once in life before. An incredibly tiny hand was reaching out to her, and Natasha found that she couldn't tear her gaze away from this little being. As a result, she completely missed the first two times Dr. Kapoor asked her something.

Natasha's head shot up. "What?"

Dr. Kapoor laughed lightly. "I was just asking if you'd chosen a name for her yet." she said, bending towards the child. "She is such a lovely girl."

Natasha quickly shook her head.

"No, we haven't thought about it yet," she replied, dropping her eyes back to the nameless infant in front of her and wondering why she was so slow to think right now. She should have just made up a name.

"Oh." Dr. Kapoor seemed surprised. "I thought you probably had a few options already, given that you wanted to know whether it was going to be a girl or a boy… But then there isn't any rush, is there? You'll have plenty of time to pick a name." She laughed lightly again and got up.

"Well, Mary and I will give you two some privacy. If the girl is done and falls asleep, you can just put her back into her crib. We'll check on to you two again in twenty minutes or so." Dr Kapoor said. She collected a few things, and left the room with Mary in tow.

When the door had closed behind them, Clint moved up to Natasha.

"Are you ok? You've been really quiet," he asked, eyes searching her.

Natasha held his gaze for a few seconds.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired," she replied. If Clint didn't believe her, he didn't say anything.


	5. Right?

The next morning, Natasha woke up as the rays of the early sun fell through the window of her med room. She'd told Clint to sleep in their apartment, promising that she'd call him if anything happened. It was only a few stories, after all. Clint had needed less convincing than she thought, and left in the late evening after Dr. Kapoor and Mary.

So far, there hadn't been a sign from any of the other Tower's occupants either, which Natasha was silently grateful for.

Another thing she was grateful for was her superhuman healing. She almost felt her old self again this morning, and promptly stood up to take a proper shower and to get dressed into something other than the hospital gown.

When she returned from the bathroom, she sat down on the edge of her bed and thoughtfully stared down at the baby sleeping peacefully in it. Slowly, she reached out and lifted the baby into her arms, gradually moving back on to her bed to lean against the headboard. She pulled her legs up on to the bed for some additional support, and just stared at the bundle in her arms.

In the morning sun, the baby's red fluff was even more pronounced, and her crystal blue eyes were firmly closed. Natasha's gaze continued on to the girl's tiny nose and lips, down the curve of her chin, to the tiny hands that currently opened and closed on their own accord.

Carefully, Natasha ran one finger through the baby's hair and all the way down its cheek. At that, the girl started moving her head, and as Natasha already mentally berated herself for waking the child, she found that there was no onslaught of crying, but only two curious eyes looking up to her. Natasha's finger was still mid-air in front of her, and it felt like lighting when a tiny hand suddenly got a hold of it, refusing to let go. Natasha couldn't stop a slight smile from spreading across her lips.

"Got your mother's reflexes, I see," she replied, amused. The girl's eyes just grew wider, and all of a sudden, broke out into a smile of her own.

"And the cheek of your father," Natasha added, quietly laughing to herself now. Her finger was still tight in the little one's grasp.

"Don't you want to let go?" Natasha whispered, turning serious again. The girl just smiled wider in response and jerked her hand holding Natasha around.

"But I won't be able to take care of you," Natasha continued, her voice low. "As much as I wish I could…" She swallowed hard, and the girl's smile faded. Instead, she jerked Natasha's finger around once more. Natasha's throat started to constrict and she had to clear it.

"I'm not made to be a mom," she stated to the little one in front of her. "I couldn't stay off the field. I couldn't stop being me. And I definitely couldn't expose you to the life we live."

The girl just continued staring at her and drew Natasha's finger to her mouth.

"Are you hungry?" Natasha asked, still wistful. She latched the baby on and continued to watch her as she drank hungrily.

The girl looked so peaceful and content. Right after Natasha had carefully entangled her finger from the baby's grasp to nurse her, the girl had gotten hold of Natasha's shirt, and it didn't look like she was going to let go anytime soon.

If Natasha hadn't known it any better, she'd have thought that the child was trying to stop her from leaving her.

But that was ridiculous. This was just a baby. And that light tugging on her top certainly did not make Natasha feel as if someone was tugging at her heart.

The girl had fallen asleep again when Clint came down. She was still holding on to Natasha's shirt, and Natasha was just trying to get comfortable with the baby secured to herself when Clint quietly entered the room. He looked terrible, as if he hadn't slept all night.

"Hey," he said, stopping at the foot of her bed.

"Hey," Natasha replied. "What's wrong?" Her gaze scrutinized his disheveled appearance and his tired eyes. Shifting carefully to not disturb the child, she put her free hand down next to her to signal him to come sit next to her. Hesitantly, Clint did. His back remained to the middle to the bed, though, and sideways to Natasha and the girl in her arms. He balled his hands into fists.

"I can't do this. I thought I could, but… I can't." His voice sounded rough. Natasha squeezed his shoulder with her free hand.

"Can't do what?" she asked calmly. Clint seemed to wrestle with himself, breathing heavily. He buried his face in his hands.

"I can't give her away. You were right. I've wanted this for a long time. And I will still want this after today. I want a family," he said, his voice breaking, muffled behind his hands.

Natasha froze for a second, but then let go of his shoulder, got up and placed the girl into her crib while carefully but determinedly disentangling her shirt. Fortunately, the girl did not wake up.

Afterwards, Natasha moved back to her spot on the bed facing Clint's side and placed her hand at the back of his neck. He was still trying to gain composure and dropped his hands to stare straight ahead.

"I _know_ that you don't want to be off the field, and I would never ask you to give that up. I _know_ that our child would never be safe. I _know _that the only sensible thing to do is to give her up for adoption. I _know_, I _know_, but I just can't do it. I have no idea how to get out of this." he said, his voice a bit calmer but still thick with emotion. He blinked several times, and Natasha could tell that he was fighting back tears.

She lightly massaged the back of his head and Clint closed his eyes.

"I tried so hard to shut her out. To not care. I haven't even seen her – ever. Not on that ultrasound picture, and not in real life. I'm not even looking at her right now, but I still can't give her up." He swallowed hard.

Natasha wasn't too surprised by this. She'd noticed how he'd kept all conversation regarding her pregnancy to the bare minimum. He also hadn't touched her stomach the entire time she was pregnant, not even when the baby had started to move. And thinking back at the events of yesterday and this morning, it was true – he hadn't once looked at the child.

Clint turned his head and looked at her dejectedly.

"I love you Natasha, more than anything. I want you to be happy. But somehow, this is tearing me apart." he said, tears finally burning in his eyes. Natasha's heart broke, and she was desperately trying to figure out what to say, what to do. She raised her other arm and intertwined both of her hands at the back of Clint's neck, massaging his skin.

From the corner of her eye, she could see the girl in her crib lifting her arm lightly and grasping at thin air.

Natasha closed her eyes and sent out a prayer to the gods she'd stopped to believe in so long ago.

Then she leaned her forehead against Clint's, and he closed his eyes.

"You're right, I don't want to be off the field any longer." She paused. "But more than that, I want you. And I want _you_ to be happy. I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I never thought that I could ever trust anyone again, let alone love anyone. Being a mother wasn't something I planned or wanted. But if you really want this – " Natasha took a deep breath to steel herself and fixed her eyes on to Clint's face with a resolute look. "Then I want it, too."

Clint slowly opened his eyes, incredulous.

"You always give so much and ask so little," Natasha continued, trying to sound calm and firm despite the doubt raging inside her. "How could I refuse you one of the few things you actually want for yourself?"

Clint's tired eyes started to glow. "Really?" he asked, disbelieving.

Natasha smiled lightly and nodded. "Yeah." she replied and glanced over to the crib. "As a matter of fact, this little one has been trying her best to convince me, too."

Clint pulled Natasha in a rib-crushing embrace and kissed her passionately. "God, I love you so much!" he breathed.

Natasha raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Remember that when you'll ask Coulson for paternal leave from your new Special Director position," she replied. "I think we can both agree that it is now my turn to get out of the house and to work on a daily basis."

Clint grinned. "Absolutely." He kissed her again. Then his smile faded a little.

"We'll figure this out, right?" he asked, searching her eyes.

Natasha's smirk faded as well and she returned his look almost pensively.

"Yeah," she said.


End file.
